Parenting....that is all that the world really needs.
When I am a mother, I will teach my child how to love herself, howto stand up for herself, how to protect herself from verbal abuse, but more importantly, how to see that she is worth the whole world.
I am not starting about my dad since he leaves and comes, and leaves again, to me it feels like he isn't around at all when I need him, I cannot depend on him. I just don't feel like he will be around when I really will need help. I don't feel that fatherly love besides just giving presents just to make sure I shut up.
My mother, I love her, she takes care of me and my brother, she is all on her own working hard to maintain us. And I can truly say I am never going to starve when she is around at least.
However, being around her feels good and feels like she loves me in a certain way only because I am her daughter.
But to be honest, I just wish she could be a bit more motivating.
I know that what I do is not to be compared to how hard she works....however I would love it if I could hear a compliment or two on my artistic skills....for example...instead of just hearing what I SHOULD be making instead of the anime crap I draw.
I wish I could hear a compliment when I say I will sell my stuff on a convention, and how hard I am working for that...instead of hearing that this isn't a real job and I should get something better...
I wish I could hear from her that I am working hard and I am soon going to get a job if I keep trying, instead of only hearing that how much older I get, how much less I am wanted. And how I am going to end with nothing at all.....
But yet she is hurt when I say that I kept my Asthma a secret for a long time because I don't want her to bother with my problems, since I am an adult who can manage perfectly well on her own. She says then what's the point of her being for me.
I know it's my fault for keeping a secret, but I still remember what she told me back when I was in middle school and I had to go to appointments with a psychologist because I had serious issues.
She told me to start acting normal because she doesn't have time for all these issues....
Since then I refused any help for therapy, or psychologist, or doctors, everything in general because I don't want to bother her....I want to be normal just like she wanted me to be. Yet that's not possible.
I know that in her eyes I am just a lazy girl trapped in a weeb world that draws anime crap, watches anime, and plays video games.
That's all she sees me do.
When she is out working from 8 till 6. I do her taxes, I take care of her cat, I get on the computer and arrange insurances, I pay her bills, I go shopping for things that's needed for her cat, I arrange my brother's school meetings and make sure he works hard on his school, I am trying to find a job, I make dinner. I make sure the house is clean, and I try to find possible ways to earn at least a little bit of money.
At nighttime. I draw, illustrate, and I sew cosplays.
At Nighttime is when she comes and she sees me doing all those time wasting 'things '
but she doesn't understand that the important stuff is being done when she isn't around....but...that's just how small her view is and it hurts me when she tells me I do nothing useful. And I can never talk with her about it, because we will end up fighting, and she wants to be right, and I just have to give in and tell her I am a horrible daughter and she deserves my respect. I just have to swallow everything even if it hurts, and accept the fact that I am just a piece good for nothing shit....
Besides this, I still love my parents by the way....I just wish I could love myself the way I love them.
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Suffering
As most know, 2016 isn't really one of my favourite years.
Many reasons for this. My almost 20 year old cat passed away, so did my grandfather. All in just a few weeks apart.
It's also the year with the end of my relationship. And the start of a new one.
I lost friends, gained a few.
Lately I feel that I am distancing myself. My reason for this is, I am having issue's trusting people. I've always had this. As a child I had to live everyday in fear because my supposed 'caretaker' beated me up. she was my own family. Yet she verbally and mentally abused me, and made me believe I make my mother suffer.
I went to a psychologist for this. I did a education where I have to force myself to make contact with people. So it helped me to get over that horrible anxiety.
Besides the abuse, I was pestered and bullied at school. Those people who bullied me still think it's okay to greet me cassually as if nothing happened. Yet I remember every single thing they ever did to me.
Thanks to the abuse, I considered myself unworthy, worthless, a pain in the ass, not worth anyone's attention and friendship. I down graded myself, I found myself ugly, and unappealing. It explains why I probably was always rejected. I don't have a great personality. And people like to joke about that. It's fine tho. I am so used to being used as a joke, that even until now I just laugh about it, telling my mind, it's not true, it's just a joke.
Sadly enough. From inside I feel my insides hurt themselves as I am trying to force myself to look cool.
People look up to me, I wanna be cool, I wanna be a nice person, I want to be an inspiration, I want to be someone you can trust and lean on.
But....even I can run out of fuel and batteries.......
Exactly one year ago, I tried to commit suicide. Yes. I got fed up being seen as the weak link, and good for nothing, I wanted to do everybody a favour and get rid of myself. However, I am a coward. Jup. I am too scared to feel pain. which is why I hesistated.
These dark clouds occacionally came back to my mind, this year, isn't a good year at all, but I forced myself to be strong, because I don't want to be seen as too weak.
However. I noticed that not everybody understands this. Because I try so hard on being so cool and though, people think I have a thick skin, and that I don't mind jokes about my weaknesses, or anything in particular, everybody expects me to being able. To handle a lot. So I don't blame them.
However, nobody was really there, to comfort me, and tell me, how I am handling the break up of my relationship....? I know. I actually was pretty calm about it. Deep inside however....I was hurt, crying, there wasn't a night in my life where I didn't thought about it. I kept blaming myself for not trying hard enough. And again I was too scared to actually....ask for help. Because I know as soon as I do, people will brand me as WEAK.
Even now, I know I have a new relationship and I am happy about it, but I am still sad about the previous one...even tho I am best friends with her, and everthing is fine between us. There are just things I am NOT happy about.
I am a sensitive mess of a person this year. I don't see enjoyment in anything at all, I get irritated quickly, especially at people who think it's funny to run around and saying "NOBODY LOVES ME BOOHOO IMMA END MYSELF"
For goodness sake. You receive 400+ messages how people love you, yet you are blinded to even see that. And I know I am not one to speak, but I don't publicly announce it till now. Because I am suffering.
Yesterday I lost a friend, said I wasn't worth it cus I never reached out. Good to know I am not only a bad person, but also a bad friend.
And I know there are people who probably hate my guts yet act civilised with me. That is fine. As long as I don't find out. Because at this point more disappointments will just kill me.
The funny thing is, I never share anything like this directly. I don't want to worry anyone, I don't want pity, I don't want people tho think I am weak in general, because before you know it they wanna start helping you, advising you to see a therapist, or anything particular, and I am not up to that. I don't want therapists, I want friends who listen to me, and take into consideration that even I have my moments where I just want to hear something like "Gloria , it's alright, you tried, and you keep trying, and you will get there. You are strong, you can do it. Gloria you have talent, Gloria you're a wonderful friend that I can depend on, Gloria you can TRUST me." Because at this point....I feel like I can't trust people easily, even if I want to, because I love and enjoy my time with most of my friends. But sometimes I keep thinking back...to everybody who hurts my feelings...slowly, one by one....and I think to myself "yeah right...what if they are talking behind my back now? What if they think I am weak? Or stupid? Or any of that? "......but I know that's not the truth in most cases.
I just hope people can understand that I need...air at times, I need good and happy times, I need my confidence back. I just want to feel good about myself someday. I want to be happy.
Many reasons for this. My almost 20 year old cat passed away, so did my grandfather. All in just a few weeks apart.
It's also the year with the end of my relationship. And the start of a new one.
I lost friends, gained a few.
Lately I feel that I am distancing myself. My reason for this is, I am having issue's trusting people. I've always had this. As a child I had to live everyday in fear because my supposed 'caretaker' beated me up. she was my own family. Yet she verbally and mentally abused me, and made me believe I make my mother suffer.
I went to a psychologist for this. I did a education where I have to force myself to make contact with people. So it helped me to get over that horrible anxiety.
Besides the abuse, I was pestered and bullied at school. Those people who bullied me still think it's okay to greet me cassually as if nothing happened. Yet I remember every single thing they ever did to me.
Thanks to the abuse, I considered myself unworthy, worthless, a pain in the ass, not worth anyone's attention and friendship. I down graded myself, I found myself ugly, and unappealing. It explains why I probably was always rejected. I don't have a great personality. And people like to joke about that. It's fine tho. I am so used to being used as a joke, that even until now I just laugh about it, telling my mind, it's not true, it's just a joke.
Sadly enough. From inside I feel my insides hurt themselves as I am trying to force myself to look cool.
People look up to me, I wanna be cool, I wanna be a nice person, I want to be an inspiration, I want to be someone you can trust and lean on.
But....even I can run out of fuel and batteries.......
Exactly one year ago, I tried to commit suicide. Yes. I got fed up being seen as the weak link, and good for nothing, I wanted to do everybody a favour and get rid of myself. However, I am a coward. Jup. I am too scared to feel pain. which is why I hesistated.
These dark clouds occacionally came back to my mind, this year, isn't a good year at all, but I forced myself to be strong, because I don't want to be seen as too weak.
However. I noticed that not everybody understands this. Because I try so hard on being so cool and though, people think I have a thick skin, and that I don't mind jokes about my weaknesses, or anything in particular, everybody expects me to being able. To handle a lot. So I don't blame them.
However, nobody was really there, to comfort me, and tell me, how I am handling the break up of my relationship....? I know. I actually was pretty calm about it. Deep inside however....I was hurt, crying, there wasn't a night in my life where I didn't thought about it. I kept blaming myself for not trying hard enough. And again I was too scared to actually....ask for help. Because I know as soon as I do, people will brand me as WEAK.
Even now, I know I have a new relationship and I am happy about it, but I am still sad about the previous one...even tho I am best friends with her, and everthing is fine between us. There are just things I am NOT happy about.
I am a sensitive mess of a person this year. I don't see enjoyment in anything at all, I get irritated quickly, especially at people who think it's funny to run around and saying "NOBODY LOVES ME BOOHOO IMMA END MYSELF"
For goodness sake. You receive 400+ messages how people love you, yet you are blinded to even see that. And I know I am not one to speak, but I don't publicly announce it till now. Because I am suffering.
Yesterday I lost a friend, said I wasn't worth it cus I never reached out. Good to know I am not only a bad person, but also a bad friend.
And I know there are people who probably hate my guts yet act civilised with me. That is fine. As long as I don't find out. Because at this point more disappointments will just kill me.
The funny thing is, I never share anything like this directly. I don't want to worry anyone, I don't want pity, I don't want people tho think I am weak in general, because before you know it they wanna start helping you, advising you to see a therapist, or anything particular, and I am not up to that. I don't want therapists, I want friends who listen to me, and take into consideration that even I have my moments where I just want to hear something like "Gloria , it's alright, you tried, and you keep trying, and you will get there. You are strong, you can do it. Gloria you have talent, Gloria you're a wonderful friend that I can depend on, Gloria you can TRUST me." Because at this point....I feel like I can't trust people easily, even if I want to, because I love and enjoy my time with most of my friends. But sometimes I keep thinking back...to everybody who hurts my feelings...slowly, one by one....and I think to myself "yeah right...what if they are talking behind my back now? What if they think I am weak? Or stupid? Or any of that? "......but I know that's not the truth in most cases.
I just hope people can understand that I need...air at times, I need good and happy times, I need my confidence back. I just want to feel good about myself someday. I want to be happy.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Why...
I am a 25 year old woman, I admit my life is not perfect, I still live with my mom and little brother. I mostly spend my days doing crafty stuff and spending on being a trash on youtube and tumblr. Yeah. That's how I ussually relax, and I am happy. I don't need anything more, just this sweet relaxing life. I am fine by myself. Okay I might get depressed when I feel like an failure, but I get over it, I stay determined and I try to proof myself, yo Gloor, you are totally okidoki yo! You are fabulous, flirty, and cute as fuck. Even if you are lazy at times, or imperfect, you are okidoki, your personality makes up for it.
And thus I can say I am extreemly satisfied and happy. I have great great friends too, lots of them, a lot of people I can care about and share my love with if they allow it.
But then why......
I promised the start of 2016, that it will be a wonderful year, I will MAKE progress, and I will get trough it....but then...why in such short time.....do I get this slap in the face...
It started with pet algae eater dyieng, not one day later, my sweet cat passed away. the cat I loved and care about, for over 19 years.
Today I get a message my grandfather passed away, I am left without any grandfathers now.
Why....is...this happening to me? Why is this happening at once? What did I do, to make my loved ones die so quickly one after another? What will be next? Who is next on the list to be taken from me? Is this fair? Do you guys find this fair?
It faith playing a trick on me? Is faith trying to challenge me?
Why is Death being such a FUCKING asshole?!
Am I being punnished for something?........what did I do bad?.....
I feel like my world is just being thorn apart.....I feel frustrated, angry, and pissed off, I am cryingmy eyes out, as I have been doing the past few days.
I am...so happy with myself...then this happends...what should I be thinking now then? I feel anger, and I feel like nobody can really getto the level of feelings I am having now....it's one hot mess....of emotions...burning.And all I can do.....is get angry at everything and everybody, everybody who complains about the stupiest things.....
OH WAT YOU CANT BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF FOR WHATEVER REASON!? SO SAD! GUES WHAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO NEVER CAN BE HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY FUCKING STOPPED BREATHING. YES THEY ARE DEAD, THEY REACHED THE END OF THEIR LIVE, AND MOST COMPLAIN ABOUT WHATEVER FUCKING STUPID REASON ABOUT THEMSELF.
AW YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH ATTENTION? GO BACK TO PRESCHOOL, ENOUGH SHIT THAT WILL GIVE YOU ATTENTION! DON'T YOU GO CRYING ON EVERYBODY FOR IT LITTLE WHIMPS.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS, HOW WE LOVE THEM DON'T WE?
COMPLAIN ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN EASILY PREVENT, YES DO IT. BUT GUES WHAT. YOU CANNOT PREVENT SOMEONE FROM DYIENG. YOU CAN EASILY SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS, BUT CAN I SAVE SOMEONE FROM PASSING AWAY!? I CANNOT.
....I said horrible things I know it.....I am in a sad and horrible place now....I am suffering. I am suffering a lot, yet I don't have the strength to call out for help....I feel like slowly just taking it all in and keeping it inside..... I feel helpless, and I feel like I don't want to bother anyone....I know...I should ask for help....I should reach out to my friends and tell them that I am suffering inside.....that I am hurt....but I can't...not now....I feel like a ball of explosion, I feel angered at the moment.....I need time to rest, I need time to cope with this and reset my emotions back to zero......I just wish I was a bit stronger....
I am sorry. I needed to write this. I will keep quiet now...and wait for it all to pass...ignore it if you want......or....think about it....
And thus I can say I am extreemly satisfied and happy. I have great great friends too, lots of them, a lot of people I can care about and share my love with if they allow it.
But then why......
I promised the start of 2016, that it will be a wonderful year, I will MAKE progress, and I will get trough it....but then...why in such short time.....do I get this slap in the face...
It started with pet algae eater dyieng, not one day later, my sweet cat passed away. the cat I loved and care about, for over 19 years.
Today I get a message my grandfather passed away, I am left without any grandfathers now.
Why....is...this happening to me? Why is this happening at once? What did I do, to make my loved ones die so quickly one after another? What will be next? Who is next on the list to be taken from me? Is this fair? Do you guys find this fair?
It faith playing a trick on me? Is faith trying to challenge me?
Why is Death being such a FUCKING asshole?!
Am I being punnished for something?........what did I do bad?.....
I feel like my world is just being thorn apart.....I feel frustrated, angry, and pissed off, I am cryingmy eyes out, as I have been doing the past few days.
I am...so happy with myself...then this happends...what should I be thinking now then? I feel anger, and I feel like nobody can really getto the level of feelings I am having now....it's one hot mess....of emotions...burning.And all I can do.....is get angry at everything and everybody, everybody who complains about the stupiest things.....
OH WAT YOU CANT BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF FOR WHATEVER REASON!? SO SAD! GUES WHAT THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO NEVER CAN BE HAPPY WITH THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY FUCKING STOPPED BREATHING. YES THEY ARE DEAD, THEY REACHED THE END OF THEIR LIVE, AND MOST COMPLAIN ABOUT WHATEVER FUCKING STUPID REASON ABOUT THEMSELF.
AW YOU DON'T GET ENOUGH ATTENTION? GO BACK TO PRESCHOOL, ENOUGH SHIT THAT WILL GIVE YOU ATTENTION! DON'T YOU GO CRYING ON EVERYBODY FOR IT LITTLE WHIMPS.
FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS, HOW WE LOVE THEM DON'T WE?
COMPLAIN ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN EASILY PREVENT, YES DO IT. BUT GUES WHAT. YOU CANNOT PREVENT SOMEONE FROM DYIENG. YOU CAN EASILY SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS, BUT CAN I SAVE SOMEONE FROM PASSING AWAY!? I CANNOT.
....I said horrible things I know it.....I am in a sad and horrible place now....I am suffering. I am suffering a lot, yet I don't have the strength to call out for help....I feel like slowly just taking it all in and keeping it inside..... I feel helpless, and I feel like I don't want to bother anyone....I know...I should ask for help....I should reach out to my friends and tell them that I am suffering inside.....that I am hurt....but I can't...not now....I feel like a ball of explosion, I feel angered at the moment.....I need time to rest, I need time to cope with this and reset my emotions back to zero......I just wish I was a bit stronger....
I am sorry. I needed to write this. I will keep quiet now...and wait for it all to pass...ignore it if you want......or....think about it....
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
List of OC's (The only NON rant post)
Male:
Damian
Vaughn
Min Ki
Nemo
Akira
Takuya
Angel
Adam
Vlademier
Kenai
Draconis
Celeste
Alejandro
Voice
Wednesday
Dawn
Goliath (Another Goliath Pic)
Derion
Simon
Jack
Ricardo
God Brothers (Hades and Joshua)
Tony
Lucas
Trinity
Loki
Dominique
Steve
Ahanu
Suzume
Female:
Alay (Front, Rafael is brother, male Oc)
Chunhua & Lihua
Eline
Lupe
Alice
Violet
Diva
Laury
Maiko
Melody
Sloth
Esther
Merel
Xale
(Ive come to realisation I have to little Girl OC's .....)
Damian
Vaughn
Min Ki
Nemo
Akira
Takuya
Angel
Adam
Vlademier
Kenai
Draconis
Celeste
Alejandro
Voice
Wednesday
Dawn
Goliath (Another Goliath Pic)
Derion
Simon
Jack
Ricardo
God Brothers (Hades and Joshua)
Tony
Lucas
Trinity
Loki
Dominique
Steve
Ahanu
Suzume
Female:
Alay (Front, Rafael is brother, male Oc)
Chunhua & Lihua
Eline
Lupe
Alice
Violet
Diva
Laury
Maiko
Melody
Sloth
Esther
Merel
Xale
(Ive come to realisation I have to little Girl OC's .....)
Friday, February 1, 2013
My god.
A lot of you know that I am Catholic. I believe in god, I believe in the bible, I go to the mass once in a while. And I love believing he is always watching over me.
But you notice me, never mentioning anything about my believes unless you ask me for it. That's true. Because my believe is mines only, and it's not anybody's bussiness unless they want to hear it. I am not going to shove my beliefs into anyone's throat either. That would be plain rude.
But I am going to give my honest opinion on atheists.
They say Christians and Catholics only force their beliefs on others, are to extreme, are way to blahblah this, blahblah that, I am not even going to do my best to sound poetic.
It's cool, they are true, some Christians and catholics are indeed WAY to extreme it makes me ashamed of the people that say that god forbids gays.
As far as I know, my god love gay people, they are here because he created them, everything that's here is because he did so, yes even bad people, illnesses, and periods and whatsoever. Go ahead and bash me for it I don't give a shit. It's all here for a reason. I am a god in my own world for my own characters, yet I make them suffer and die by hands of bad people. Why? That's life bro. Shit happends, deal with it.
So yes. I accept them. But you know what, I also think some atheists...are hypocrits.
They say christians or catholics or whatever, are to extreme.
But hey......have you ever noticed how much it hurts me to see how my believe gets insulted? Or how much I have to read how believing in something that is real is stupid? I know for myself that it helps me believe, and it just makes me happy, and I love to pray for my friends for their care and happyness, I believe my god listens to me, They don't need to know I pray for their safety. I keep it for myself.
But have you ever noticed how insulted and horrible I feel when someone says "Believing in god is a waste of time because he doesn't exist anyways?" Do you know that feeling when someone tells you "You don't believe in god? You go to hell then." That's how I feel.
I agree that some believers are way to extreme, it makes me ashamed, but some non-believers are just as horrible as extreme believers, and not any better at all. Don't call me stupid for believing, it's my own choice, just as it is my own choice to be what I want to be, an Artist. And just as it is in my DNA to be a bisexual. It's all my own choice, don't call me disgusting or stupid for being what I am.
If we all leave each other alone, everything would be a lot peacefuller. Don't you think?
And I don't care about my spelling and grammar, big deal, a lot of letters, take your love for correction somewhere else.
But you notice me, never mentioning anything about my believes unless you ask me for it. That's true. Because my believe is mines only, and it's not anybody's bussiness unless they want to hear it. I am not going to shove my beliefs into anyone's throat either. That would be plain rude.
But I am going to give my honest opinion on atheists.
They say Christians and Catholics only force their beliefs on others, are to extreme, are way to blahblah this, blahblah that, I am not even going to do my best to sound poetic.
It's cool, they are true, some Christians and catholics are indeed WAY to extreme it makes me ashamed of the people that say that god forbids gays.
As far as I know, my god love gay people, they are here because he created them, everything that's here is because he did so, yes even bad people, illnesses, and periods and whatsoever. Go ahead and bash me for it I don't give a shit. It's all here for a reason. I am a god in my own world for my own characters, yet I make them suffer and die by hands of bad people. Why? That's life bro. Shit happends, deal with it.
So yes. I accept them. But you know what, I also think some atheists...are hypocrits.
They say christians or catholics or whatever, are to extreme.
But hey......have you ever noticed how much it hurts me to see how my believe gets insulted? Or how much I have to read how believing in something that is real is stupid? I know for myself that it helps me believe, and it just makes me happy, and I love to pray for my friends for their care and happyness, I believe my god listens to me, They don't need to know I pray for their safety. I keep it for myself.
But have you ever noticed how insulted and horrible I feel when someone says "Believing in god is a waste of time because he doesn't exist anyways?" Do you know that feeling when someone tells you "You don't believe in god? You go to hell then." That's how I feel.
I agree that some believers are way to extreme, it makes me ashamed, but some non-believers are just as horrible as extreme believers, and not any better at all. Don't call me stupid for believing, it's my own choice, just as it is my own choice to be what I want to be, an Artist. And just as it is in my DNA to be a bisexual. It's all my own choice, don't call me disgusting or stupid for being what I am.
If we all leave each other alone, everything would be a lot peacefuller. Don't you think?
And I don't care about my spelling and grammar, big deal, a lot of letters, take your love for correction somewhere else.
When I neglect myself.
Yeah I realize sometimes I neglect even myself.
At lately, it's true I am being a bit more of an, egoist.
I love to give, my friends know that, but lately I noticed that when I give, I don't get back, normally I don't need it, but sometimes I realize that I don't even get back the slightest thank yous.
I have been trying to distract my mind with a lot of things.Trying to have fun, to do something I like. School was stressfull, but also very....irritating at times.
And now I finally am at peace, and trying to get myself thinking positively again, see things on the bright side, give attention to myself, something I haven't done in a while.
But when someone expects me to give them all my attention, I can't help but just think "Shut up."
I sound mean, I know, but that's really what I think. Especially since I know I won't 'get' anything out of it than just having my energy reduce to 0. I still can't help but be like 'shut up'.
And then I wonder, if I am a bad person, or am just misunderstanding myself.
Know that I pretend, to be stupid sometimes. But believe me, I know more than most can imagine. But lately....when someone tries to outsmart me, I can't help but think 'Shut up."
I am not stupid. Do not outsmart me. I won't care.
Of course all I just do it be quiet. And say nothing. Sometimes I accept it, because I know a lot of people who try to help me, that's cool, I can use help. But I know when someone tries to belittle me.....
At lately, it's true I am being a bit more of an, egoist.
I love to give, my friends know that, but lately I noticed that when I give, I don't get back, normally I don't need it, but sometimes I realize that I don't even get back the slightest thank yous.
I have been trying to distract my mind with a lot of things.Trying to have fun, to do something I like. School was stressfull, but also very....irritating at times.
And now I finally am at peace, and trying to get myself thinking positively again, see things on the bright side, give attention to myself, something I haven't done in a while.
But when someone expects me to give them all my attention, I can't help but just think "Shut up."
I sound mean, I know, but that's really what I think. Especially since I know I won't 'get' anything out of it than just having my energy reduce to 0. I still can't help but be like 'shut up'.
And then I wonder, if I am a bad person, or am just misunderstanding myself.
Know that I pretend, to be stupid sometimes. But believe me, I know more than most can imagine. But lately....when someone tries to outsmart me, I can't help but think 'Shut up."
I am not stupid. Do not outsmart me. I won't care.
Of course all I just do it be quiet. And say nothing. Sometimes I accept it, because I know a lot of people who try to help me, that's cool, I can use help. But I know when someone tries to belittle me.....
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Neighbours.
You know what I hate a lot?
I have people who think they are the world.
But you know what I hate even more?
Those people living in my neighbour.
Now I do not complain about my next door neighbour, they are turkish, but so far, the greatest neighbours I've ever had! The woman oh she is always sweet, and she would even give us free meat! And when my brother forgets his keys, he's always welcome to wait at her home, and he even bought her a bapao as thanks. xD
They helped us to! When we were locked outside the house, they managed to crack the door open without damaging it! And the man taught me how to repair my bike! Yes they are great.
But let's talk about the rest of the neighbour.
For example, the neighbours living just behind my home.
The man, he's okay, the woman, absolutely not.
Worst neighbour ever, she was nice the first few years after we moved in.
But everything changed when my parents divorced, for some reason, all the parents in this block would look down on my mother, even if she did no shit wrong. They would blame my brother for everything, they would let their kids pick on my little brother, and do no shit about it.
This woman thinks she owns the whole neighbourhood, that she own everything, that every kid is her kid and she has the right to yell at them and tell them to clean up everything, but her children? Oh they are angels, they do nothing, even if her son is the spoilest little brat I've ever seen, he would insult everybody, but according to his mom, he did nothing wrong, he was an angel. to her.
Plus she is freaking histerical, I can hear her scream from up my room, like what the fuck.
Yes I really feel looked down upon by most of my neighbours, us all, except for the ones next door. My mother is a really good mother, she is strict and knows how to raise her children more than most of the mothers in this neighbour. She doesn't deserve to be looked down on.
I have people who think they are the world.
But you know what I hate even more?
Those people living in my neighbour.
Now I do not complain about my next door neighbour, they are turkish, but so far, the greatest neighbours I've ever had! The woman oh she is always sweet, and she would even give us free meat! And when my brother forgets his keys, he's always welcome to wait at her home, and he even bought her a bapao as thanks. xD
They helped us to! When we were locked outside the house, they managed to crack the door open without damaging it! And the man taught me how to repair my bike! Yes they are great.
But let's talk about the rest of the neighbour.
For example, the neighbours living just behind my home.
The man, he's okay, the woman, absolutely not.
Worst neighbour ever, she was nice the first few years after we moved in.
But everything changed when my parents divorced, for some reason, all the parents in this block would look down on my mother, even if she did no shit wrong. They would blame my brother for everything, they would let their kids pick on my little brother, and do no shit about it.
This woman thinks she owns the whole neighbourhood, that she own everything, that every kid is her kid and she has the right to yell at them and tell them to clean up everything, but her children? Oh they are angels, they do nothing, even if her son is the spoilest little brat I've ever seen, he would insult everybody, but according to his mom, he did nothing wrong, he was an angel. to her.
Plus she is freaking histerical, I can hear her scream from up my room, like what the fuck.
Yes I really feel looked down upon by most of my neighbours, us all, except for the ones next door. My mother is a really good mother, she is strict and knows how to raise her children more than most of the mothers in this neighbour. She doesn't deserve to be looked down on.
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